Comments for Judy the Stepfamily Coach http://stepfamilycoach.com Simple Smart Solutions for Today's Families Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:51:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on About Me by Judy http://stepfamilycoach.com/home-page/#comment-26 Judy Thu, 03 Nov 2011 00:11:04 +0000 http://stepfamilycoach.com/?page_id=4#comment-26 Hi Jenna, First, I'm glad you took the time to write. It's always complicated to stay neutral between two opposing viewpoints of people you care about. You have multiple options. They sound simple, but not easy as they depend on Faith's personality and intentions. It would be helpful to know why Faith is complaining to you. Is she just venting or is she expecting you to step in and do something? If she's only venting, then she is equally frustrated, which indicates good intentions of wanting the best. Therefore, you could suggest she discuss her concerns with Melissa, which would remove you from being in the middle. If she is expecting you to step in, she may be trying to manipulate you in her favor. You could remind her that you care for both her and Melissa and simply aren't comfortable being in the middle. If you agree with what Faith is asking, you can talk to Melissa on your own time w/o letting Faith know. Otherwise, letting Faith know you spoke to Melissa will lead her to believe you're taking sides (her side) and may encourage her to keep coming to you & putting you in the middle. You mentioned that your daughter is "suffering". I'm not clear on how exactly she's suffering and how much of it is directly vs indirectly related to Faith. So, I'm not sure how much you can do. Under all circumstances, being emotionally supportive is always helpful - being a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to. If you feel strongly that there may be more you can do and want suggestions to offer her, a live conversation would be best. If so, call or email me to schedule a time we can talk. Warm regards, Judy judy@stepfamilycoach.com 623-850-8084 Hi Jenna,

First, I’m glad you took the time to write. It’s always complicated to stay neutral between two opposing viewpoints of people you care about. You have multiple options. They sound simple, but not easy as they depend on Faith’s personality and intentions. It would be helpful to know why Faith is complaining to you. Is she just venting or is she expecting you to step in and do something? If she’s only venting, then she is equally frustrated, which indicates good intentions of wanting the best. Therefore, you could suggest she discuss her concerns with Melissa, which would remove you from being in the middle. If she is expecting you to step in, she may be trying to manipulate you in her favor. You could remind her that you care for both her and Melissa and simply aren’t comfortable being in the middle. If you agree with what Faith is asking, you can talk to Melissa on your own time w/o letting Faith know. Otherwise, letting Faith know you spoke to Melissa will lead her to believe you’re taking sides (her side) and may encourage her to keep coming to you & putting you in the middle.

You mentioned that your daughter is “suffering”. I’m not clear on how exactly she’s suffering and how much of it is directly vs indirectly related to Faith. So, I’m not sure how much you can do. Under all circumstances, being emotionally supportive is always helpful – being a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to. If you feel strongly that there may be more you can do and want suggestions to offer her, a live conversation would be best. If so, call or email me to schedule a time we can talk.

Warm regards,
Judy

judy@stepfamilycoach.com
623-850-8084

]]> Comment on About Me by Jeanna Suzor http://stepfamilycoach.com/home-page/#comment-25 Jeanna Suzor Fri, 28 Oct 2011 17:41:16 +0000 http://stepfamilycoach.com/?page_id=4#comment-25 My name is Jeanna, I have a daughter that was in a gay relationship for 13 yrs. Now, there are children involved. My daughter had the 1st child with a sperm donor procedure. She is 9 yrs. old and adopted by my daughter's partner. Her x-partner had twins, from donated embryos, 1 yr before the break-up. My daughter stayed for the 1st year because the partner asked her to. They just turned 4. It's crazy making because the x partner named Faith, has legal rights to the 1st one from adoption. My daughter, Melissa has no legal rights because she only stayed the 1st year out of obligation. I'm caught in the middle sometimes and when I am it's awkward because it's usally the x, Faith who is complaining about my daughter, Melissa. I live between Daytona (to the North) and Orlando (to the South) They live in my areat too. I am cosidered grammi to all 3 of them. My daughter, is Missa to the twins because she has no legal right to them. Where as Faith is Mom to all 3 of them. For the most part, the visitation rights have been worked out between Melissa and Faith. However, dealing with Faith is very stressful at times because my daughter gets no credit for taking the twins 2-3 times per week for visitation. Faith keeps pushing for my daughter to do more. She is constantly feeling guilty and Faith plays on that. How can I stay neutral when my daughter is suffering? My name is Jeanna, I have a daughter that was in a gay relationship for 13 yrs. Now, there are children involved.
My daughter had the 1st child with a sperm donor procedure. She is 9 yrs. old and adopted by my daughter’s partner.
Her x-partner had twins, from donated embryos, 1 yr before the break-up. My daughter stayed for the 1st year because the partner asked her to. They just turned 4.
It’s crazy making because the x partner named Faith, has legal rights to the 1st one from adoption. My daughter, Melissa has no legal rights because she only stayed the 1st year out of obligation.
I’m caught in the middle sometimes and when I am it’s awkward because it’s usally the x, Faith who is complaining about my daughter, Melissa.
I live between Daytona (to the North) and Orlando (to the South)
They live in my areat too. I am cosidered grammi to all 3 of them.
My daughter, is Missa to the twins because she has no legal right to them. Where as Faith is Mom to all 3 of them.
For the most part, the visitation rights have been worked out between Melissa and Faith.
However, dealing with Faith is very stressful at times because my daughter gets no credit for taking the twins 2-3 times per week for visitation.
Faith keeps pushing for my daughter to do more. She is constantly feeling guilty and Faith plays on that.
How can I stay neutral when my daughter is suffering?

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