Are you Setting Yourself Up for Success?

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Most people and coaches spend a lot of time talking about strategies. I do as well, because the best of intentions and spending gobs of effort doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t have the right strategies.

However, underlying every strategy is you. I mean you personally. Your mindset, attitude, perspective, thinking patterns, and vibration are all a part of you. Even your emotions – how you think about your life, life in general, the people around you, your home or office, everything – is a part you. You can’t separate yourself from them. You can change them with effort, but they’re always underlying every strategy.

My mentor calls this your inner game. It affects everything else. In fact, some experts say your inner game accounts for as high as 90% of your success. Most people naturally apply this to their career; but the same goes for your family.

I could pick apart each aspect of everything I mentioned above. Don’t worry, I won’t today. I’ll cover all those things, bit by bit, in future entries. Today, though, I will sum it up in one sentence. How you are being (at any given moment on any given day) is the ultimate factor in creating or maintaining the psycho-emotional health of your stepfamily.

Think about that as you figure out your resolutions or strategies of how to improve your home life. I’m not saying to not figure out what to do differently. I’m just saying that how you’re being is more important than what you’re doing. If you’ve already written your new year’s resolutions, go back and ask yourself how you would have to show up differently in order to achieve them.

For example:

  • if your resolution is to lose weight => shift into being more mindful of the foods you eat and how often.
  • If you’re resolution is to improve communication with your spouse => shift into being a better listener.
  • If you desire to have a better relationship with your stepchildren (or friend, sister, daughter, spouse) => be supportive and understanding.

Being is not about doing anything different. It’s about how you show up in the world. It inherently means how you feel about yourself and others. Sure, you can turn those examples into tasks of what to do; but that’s missing the point of what I’m saying.

Once you shift into another way of being, doing things differently is automatic. That makes this a shortcut. It’s also less painful and uncomfortable because you’ll be doing things that feels authentic to who you are.

In the next entry, I’ll jumpstart the transformation of your stepfamily from stressed to blessed.

In harmony and balance,


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About Judy G

Judy helps step parents to feel like an intricate member of their stepfamily so they can have more relaxation time and a deeper connection to their partner and step children. After her personal experience as a childless stepmom ended in separation, she became a Certified Stepfamily Coach so she could help others who are in love stay together. Judy's clients praise her for impartiality, being a good listener, and helping them achieve peace of mind. Check out her articles and interviews across the web.


Are you Setting Yourself Up for Success? — 1 Comment

  1. Pingback: What if You and Your Spouse don’t Agree? | Judy the Stepfamily Coach of Sensible Steps

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